This is basically a rant about why I think being the oldest sibling is hard.
- You're the "experimental child" - Your parents use you to figure out how to parent. Sometimes they don't even learn from it and you end up facing the consequences:
- You might end up being a surrogate parent to younger siblings - My parents did a lot of "bookish parenting" with me, making me fiercely independent by age 3 (I refused to sleep in their bed by then). Since I was so independent (and not "child-like"), they decided to shower my brother with tons of affection to let him "be a child." Yeah, guess who had to make him start dressing himself at age 10 (mom did it for him up till then!) Also, I had no friends because taking care of him took too much time.
- If your siblings outgrow you (in height), you might get their hand-me-downs despite being older - I used to get my brother's hand-me-down pants until a year or two ago. Then he got too big and even his outgrown clothes wouldn't fit me anymore. I haven't grown for 4 years, so I would never "grow into them." Good thing, too. I never liked those pants.
- You get blamed for everything - My mom accidentally slapped me in the eyeball once when my brother was wrong in a factual argument and I was trying to get him to understand why he was wrong. Also, every time I disagree with something he does, mom tells him, "He's crazy. Stay away from him." Also, um, I'm still not the one responsible for those bad grades on his report card in elementary school. Shocking, right?
- If your sibling is having a tough time, your parents might forget you exist, because "you're old enough to handle yourself" - I was eight. Eight. Was being the oldest child supposed to negate that fact? Maybe that's why I'm short. No one was there to make sure I ate my veggies. Or any food for that matter.
- They get privileges earlier than you did, and they don't even have to work for it - I had to patiently wait for my 12th birthday to get the crappiest phone ever (smartphones were still pretty new and, even then, they were the kind that still had slide-out keyboards). My brother basically whined, "He has one! Why can't I have one? I WANT ONE NOW!" And one he got...He was 10, and his phone was better than mine. What happened to that "we'll give it to you when you prove you're mature enough" crap? (PS: He lost that phone a few days later and the adults had to track it down. HA!)
- You wonder how you'll sustain yourself and your siblings if your parents die - You're next in line to be the breadwinner.
- Your parents expect more of you than them - You get a B+ and it's the end of the world. They get a C- and they get a reward for their "good grade." It's hard not to feel like there's some favoritism going on.
- Because you have to take care of them, they outshine you socially - Remember that part where I said I didn't have any friends because taking care of my brother took too much time? He still had a quite active social life at school, and was quite popular. Not to brag, but I was one of the best athletes in my grade, and I was by far the most knowledgeable on computers, which was a class we had to take. No one cared though, because my brother was more popular and I didn't matter as much as him.
- You have to be careful of everything you do, because otherwise your parents will be on your back about being a "bad influence" - I'm 16. I've been an older brother since I was 2, and I've had this "don't be a bad influence to the little one" stuff pushed on me since then. Seriously, when do I get to be a kid and make mistakes? You know, like a normal kid?
- Their teachers don't consider you a separate entity from them - Once upon a time, I was in 7th grade. I was sitting in science class, learning, when a student from 5th grade came and told me the aerobics teacher wanted to see me. I went and it turned out she wanted me to teach my brother how to tie his shoes. Sure, I'll do that! It's not like it would've taken you less time to teach him yourself than to call me and have me teach him, and I definitely wasn't just sitting in class having my own academic life.
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This child -"I have decided to regress to a baby to be like the youngest child, thereby getting more attention and empathy. Is it working yet?" Songs on my mind:(Pandora is a wonderful thing, isn't it?) |
