#14 - Everyone dies

RIP granpa

My granpa died last Monday. I was sleeping on my day off and my mom came in and woke me up, saying that dad had something to tell me. It was 7:00. That's when I found out.

Just the day before, my dad had been filling out my granpa's Visa papers to let him come to America and live with us.

But that's not what made me sad. You know what actually made me sad?

That I couldn't feel sad.

Well, at least sadness occurred

This was my expression throughout the breaking of the news.

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#13 - Vlogging?

I want to vlog. And I want it badly. But there's one problem.

I'm transgender.

I've wanted to vlog for a while, but I really don't want to go on camera while having fucking F-cup breasts.

My mom found out about my chest binding back in July and confiscated both my binder and my age bandages. I've waited for her to kind of forget about it before I ordered a new one just a few days ago. This one looks like a bra so she won't get too suspicious...hopefully. I also don't know how well it will bind, for that matter... However it is, it should at least be better than the sports bras.

It doesn't get here till mid-February and I've been wearing layered sports bras for 6 months now and they barely work. I have seriously contemplated just cutting my breasts off, and I've even tried, but unfortunately, ordinary kitchen knives are not meant for cutting off body parts.

I can't wait for the day my new bra-binder gets here. Until then, all I can do is hope that my mom doesn't start checking my packages again.

Also, what do you suggest would be a good channel name? My internet name is Damien.

#12 - Art

I have gotten into one of those "artsy" moods that I have for a few months every year or so. So I decided to go buy a big tri-fold display board even though I have no idea what to do with it.

What do you mean it's only used for presentations‽

In case you didn't know, "‽" is an "interrobang", or a combination of a question mark ("interrogative point") and an exclamation mark ("bang"). If you want more information, you can read about it on Wikipedia.

I also bought a 64 pack of crayons to make a project like this...

...before I realized I didn't have a canvas or super/hot glue.

I might be able to find a "mini" canvas but I doubt I'll have superglue just lying around. And I definitely don't have hot glue.

I also decided that I wanted to finish my "laptop folder" that I "started" back in November, so I went and got paint but the black paint just looks grey and it basically ruined the whole thing before I even got started.

That's my own, by the way.

Basically, even when I'm in an artsy mood, I do everything wrong. Laugh at me, because I know I am.

Songs on my mind

#11 - Caffeinated Gum

I went to a roadtrip to Chicago and while I was in Indiana, I found this in a gas station:

I decided that I should try it because I, being a teenager and all, love caffeine. So I bought it and kept it till I got home...

It tastes horrible. I'm chewing the first one right now and it is probably the worst thing I have ever put in my mouth. That includes when I was 3 and curiously licked some poop.

I searched for other reviews online and everyone's saying it tastes bitter. It doesn't exactly taste bitter to me, it just tastes bad.

I'm ignoring the taste for the time being to see if it really has as much caffeine as 1/2 a cup of coffee. Not that regular coffee really affects me anymore though...

Actually, after a while, it's not that bad. It actually tastes like mint now!

Too bad they don't sell them in Florida.

I've had these songs on repeat for almost 2 weeks now-