#22 - Words hurt, especially from your mom

Here are a few things my mother has said to me in the past few days:

"You're sick!" (As in mentally. All I did was cut my hair. Really.)
"I'd rather die than have a child like you!" (I stayed up past bed time. In my room. Listening to music. Quietly. With my headphones.)
"You're just waiting for me to die, aren't you?" (Said immediately after the previous one)

My mom keeps insisting that I am mentally ill and I need to be taken to some kind of psychiatrist. I do not want to go to a psychiatrist because I do not believe anything is wrong with me. If there is something, it isn't severe enough to interfere with my daily life.

It's not the first time she's said things like these. I can remember words like that from as far back as when I was 8 years old.

She even thinks I'm anorexic and checks that I've actually eaten my food after every meal.

I am not nor have I ever been anorexic. Or bulimic.

The morning after she told me she'd rather die than have me, she kept trying to get me to keep my door open, thinking that I would probably kill myself if she let me close it.

I have never attempted suicide nor do I ever plan to. I prefer to keep my door closed because I don't like the way she acts and so I want to limit interaction with her as much as possible.

She checks every package of stuff I buy from the internet.

I have never bought anything bad online, just band merch and CDs.

Also, usually every time I try to educate my 13-year-old brother on something he believes that is true but I know to be untrue and he resists and I insist on educating him (not like things about opinions but facts, for example, the fact that a girl does not pee out of her butthole. He is 13. He should know that.) - "Stay away from her! She's crazy!"

She's even hypocritical sometimes. She tells me my "darkness" scares her. All I do is wear black clothes and have naturally black hair. The clothes are mostly because my dad said a few times that since I'm "the pale one" in my family, black actually looks good on me. My mom's the one who sits there watching crime shows and shows about the end of the world all day. Now tell me who's "dark"!

To my mom-

I'M SORRY FOR BEING BORN, THOUGH TECHNICALLY THAT ISN'T MY FAULT BECAUSE YOU WERE THE ONE WHO HAD SEX WITH MY DAD AND DIDN'T GET AN ABORTION OR HAVE ME ADOPTED. SO IT'S YOUR FAULT. THIS BIG FUCK-UP IN YOUR LIFE IS YOUR OWN DAMN FAULT, GODDAMMIT!